No one is perfect, we are all struggling 

 

Today I woke up on the wrong foot. I woke up feeling so down, almost like I was suffocating. Full of emotions to the extent of finding myself texting my ex girlfriend. I’m blaming her, like she’s part of this big plot to sabotage my happiness. It was a relapse, a process in “moving on” and I tell you it didn’t go well. I regretted it and it will never happen again I promise.
The last time her and I had a “decent” conversation, it ended with her telling me that the only person in this world that can tolerate me is my mother. Can you believe it! That was harsh, and a big lie. If I’m that horrible how come she held on for a whole year. Yea, it was a year. That’s how long the relationship lasted and I’m not ashamed to say it. It probably lasted longer than most relationships or even some marriages that we know, like that of the gorgeous Betty Kyalo and Denis Okari.

She wasn’t the only victim of my anger. Some of my family members who seem so distant too. Who never ask if I’m okay. Transitioning into manhood isn’t so easy and when you are thousands of kilometers away from home, makes it even harder. My few friends who are only there when they need my help were neither spared.

Having said that I believe I have to congratulate my homies Francis, Jerry and G. boy, not forgetting the beautiful Yvonne on their graduation from the police academy last Friday. I apologize for missing out. I will make up.

So I wake up with so much anger. So much that I seriously think if you convert it into nuclear energy, you are likely to come up with an atomic bomb. Big enough to burn down the whole world to ash.

God. I blamed God too for some of my problems. How come I’m going through all these shit while He sits up there in His Kingdom. Does He ever look down. All this pain, evil around! Who is in control? Then something caught my attention.

I was having breakfast as I watch Drought Diaries, a certain program on KTN News reporting on the current drought crisis in the country. There was this family from Garissa county who said they have no food left to eat and only take black tea. They had been surviving on some sorghum that got finished the previous day. They had a young family, about seven kids in total. Three were still babies,looking so malnourished. The rest of the family was just there, helplessly staring at the reporter. I was touched.

I took a second and looked at myself. In my right hand I had a warm cup of tea and on the other, a well buttered slice of bread. How lucky was I. That Garissa family will give anything to have that. And here I was complaining, blaming God! How ungrateful.

And that wasn’t all. There was another woman with her own sad story. She said she had to walk from Garissa to Wajir, almost 160 kilometers to ask for food from relatives. At the end of it all, I felt like crying. I had lost my appetite. I thanked God and asked for His forgiveness. Yes I have my problems, my imperfections but at least I still have something to eat.

One people, one great country, how come we have all these differences? We have elected leaders, what are they doing. They are only worried about the next elections! How many registered voters they have in their pockets and if the elections will be fair.How insensitive!

I know it’s not news. The typical Kenyan politician. They expect you to queue for a whole day to vote them in but when you out there dying of hunger, walking up and down jobless, they are nowhere to be found. People are out there dying because the Doctors are still on strike. Unless you can afford to go to private hospital, you are doomed. Right now as I write to you this, comrades are still at home. Only those in private universities are learning. Lecturers too are demanding for their due. They are not bad people, they are just demanding what belongs to them and which they rightly deserve.

Apart from the fat bank accounts, fancy suits, big cars and upmarket homes, politicians are just like us. Imperfect, with issues just like any of us. Just like any other ordinary guy you come across in the streets.

As you go about your  day, ever wondered what all those others you interact with on daily basis, are going through? It’s not always about you. It brings me to the matter of bullying which was all over the news, in Alliance School.

I will tell you a short story about this guy from a certain movie I watched. This man grew up in a dysfunctional family, just like many of us, where his father used to beat his mother for every little misunderstanding they had. His dad was some sort of carpenter.

Each single day in their home was a nightmare. He was a fat kid of about fourteen years of age, who was bullied by other kids. One evening his dad comes home and finds him crying as he is being fed with a spoon by his mom. He had multiple wounds on his face. His dad is not amused. He asks what’s going on with him but demands the boy tells him himself. So the boy says he was beaten by this neighbor’s son who also called his father a loser. Angry, his dad asks him to lead him to the bully.

They found him. He was slightly older and the first question he asked him is why he called him a loser. The boy denied. He said he was only repeating what his own dad had called the man. Enraged, he knocks down the boy and asks his son to do the beating. He unwilling did as his dad commanded.

Some days later the father was beating his mother again in the boys presence. Thoroughly lashing at her with his belt as the boy watched helplessly. He couldn’t take it anymore, so he cried out to his dad to stop. His dad was surprised, didn’t expect that. He stopped, approached the kid and asked, “You a man now?”

Half laughing, the father turned to the mother to continue with the beating . As he was just raising up his arm to unleash another lash, the boy picked up a hammer that was on a table nearby and in one mighty swing, smashed his dad’s head. His dad dropped on the floor but the boy didn’t stop there. He went on hitting and hitting until his mom pulled him away. The floor was a mess. Horrific scene! He had killed his dad. He stood there scared, shaking from the crying as he watched his mom wrap up the body. They later dumped it in the river and that day a monster was born.

He later grows into a man, makes himself enormous amount of wealth but most of it is spent on hurting and killing people. He’s like this king of the underworld. Leading all criminal activities in the city from the shadows. He is doing all this just to prove to himself and the whole world that he is better than his dad. No single night did the man ever sleep peacefully. He had terrible nightmares haunting him.

So be careful before you bully anyone. Unknowingly you might be creating a monster. No one is better than the other, just the circumstances we are in and the choices we make.

Don’t live like me so angry at the world. There is so much anger and hate out there right now that we don’t need any more angry soul. As for me, when I’m mad at anyone or anything, I take my lyrics book and put the anger down on paper. A day later when I look at what I wrote, I get scared. Sometimes, if its moderate enough, I show it to my friends.

That’s me. My world. I don’t know about yours but all I know, we are all struggling. No one is perfect. Don’t judge me, I won’t judge you. Let’s leave that stuff to God. Nice time.

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