Looking far ahead and just glanced behind, on both sides still no one in sight,
Seems all alone on this dark path, enemies everywhere and no one to help fight,
All my friends couldn’t stay so they left, said they’ve nothing to talk,
About with someone who’s no fun, so with tears I watched them walk.
Neither drink nor smoke, couldn’t blame them,
Let them leave, this is who I’m and feel no shame,
Saw what alcohol did to dad, wish you knew what marijuana did to my half brother,
He was nice to me, taught me how to draw, play basketball and stood up to their mother.
She was cruel you know, remember on a number of times denied me food,
Told me to go back to my poor mama, only wanted to see baba not eat her food,
Play with my siblings in the field, watch wild and cartoon movies with the late Naomi,
Felt good sharing isimba with the big boys, sneaking out at night and later a sweet for me.
One day told her, “mama if you don’t want us here send baba back to us”,
Like any kid, just wanted a normal life with both parents not create a fuss,
Wanted him to drop me at school on his motorbike again, me holding tight on his coat,
How I loved watching those green eyes, sharing their lunch and for my attention fought.
But then sometimes in life shit happens, and here I am,
Alone on this cold path, sometimes thought about causing harm,
To myself just for attention but I’m a coward, now running,
Should say life has been a good teacher, but boy still not learning.
Keep shouting I hate this world, and I expect it to love me back,
Want to be happy but I’m listening to sad songs, lyrics that suck,
Feels like I’m listening to a dirge, and no one I know of is dead,
Keep trying but each time I make a move, devil is a step ahead.
But maybe I’m the problem and just like everyone else, devil my scapegoat,
Not working hard enough and not choosing right friends, mediocrity all I got,
A friend once told me to try the church, beautiful girls in there,
But afraid of Karma, God’s wrath if you take your jokes in there.
Mama keeps reminding me that God is in control, has a plan,
Like Barack Obama’s slogan I should believe, YES I CAN,
Last time told me when Semester ends to go back home, to me she gave birth,
Respect her and maybe a week in village will give me a new course, tired of this lonely path.