Being in a relationship is beautiful, more so if you are in love with each other. It’s the nicest feeling in the whole world, especially at the beginning but you can still maintain it to the end if you really want to. If both of you believe in it and want it to flourish.
Listen good to to whatever comes out of her even during happy times
But what does it take to maintain a relationship?
I know I’m no doctor love on this subject but I’m just writing out of my personal experience. What I’ve witnessed with my previous girlfriends. To maintain a relationship, you just have to be a good listener.
For a man, talking less and listening more can be the difference between saving a relationship and losing it. You just have to talk little and listen to all her blah-blah-blah. You never know what you might learn reading in between her lines, or rather her lips.
“Relationships only get difficult if it’s only one partner working on it” ~ Chris Rock, Tambourine
My first girlfriend, before we broke up told me something I’ve never forgotten up to date. One day while having a conversation she told me that she want her future kid to be as brown as her baby sister, who’s almost like an albino (no offense to those with albinism). Of course at the time I thought she was only joking or probably trying to get on my nerves.
I’m a dark-skinned guy (after all I’m African, right?) and biologically speaking, the chances of my offspring being as brown as her sister is close to zero. Even if she herself is light-skinned. Are you getting me?
Being a sensitive type of guy that I’m — or maybe just a little — as you can imagine, I was of course offended by her words. How could she be so arrogant and inconsiderate! How could she say that in my presence without caring how I might feel. In other words is like saying she had no plans for our future. She was just fooling with me and when the time comes, she will marry someone else with a fair skin complexion. It sounded demeaning!
“Oh no! Come on babe, don’t give me that look! Nilikuwa tu na-joke.” She cried out after noticing my moods change.
“But si I’m brown. We can still have our Angel (in reference to her baby sister), can’t we?” Now trying to do some damage control, I guess, but the harm was already done.
But as it later turned out, she was trying to tell me something because I later found out that she was secretly seeing this other guy, some “brown skin” dude. And that was the end of our story.
After our break-up, that time when you are all alone pondering over what you might have done wrong, is when I started recalling some of the hints she used to indirectly give me. It made me look so stupid. Questions with no answers ran through my head.
“How could I have ignored all those signs?
Why was I not listening to all she was trying to tell me?
Why didn’t I leave her as early as possible?”
Listen to her even during those crazy moments, when everyone seems to be possessed by some demon
Then later on came Rey — not her real name — and I started noticing the same. The difference this time is that I was really keen. I was tired of learning. There’s no way I was going to waste my precious time with a traveler again! No way.
There’s this day we were just having a great time at her place and also present was one of her girlfriends. During one of the many friendly arguments we had, she burst out:
“Me I just love guys from tribe X!”
I was like, “what the f**k babe! What do you mean?”
You see I’m from tribe Y and my girlfriend, someone I was certainly looking forward to having a future with, God willing, was there talking with such vigor how she love guys from tribe X. As you all know in my side of the world, tribalism is a very sensitive issue, the way racism is to some of you out there.
And as I’m writing this shit here, she moved in with this prince charming from her favorite tribe barely two weeks after our break-up. Word from one of her friends is that he already introduced her to marijuana, which they smoke you will confuse them for a Kibera-bound train.
Smoking couple! How sweet.
And if you listen good, believe me you will know if she was meant to stay or not
Anyway, in conclusion, I think girls are brilliant and they always know exactly what they want from every relationship they get themselves into. I once heard a story from the horse’s very own mouth that you might meet a girl thinking it was just accidental, only to find out she has been stalking you for weeks. Crazy, right?
Girls get into relationships because they’re truly in love with a guy, some maybe because they’re desperate age is catching up with — late thirties is fast approaching — them, while some get into relationships solely because of material things. A girl saw a rich guy — gold-digger — and “fall in love” with him, which happens a lot nowadays.
But all in all at the end of the day it’s just these women alone who know exactly why they’re in that relationship with you. It doesn’t matter what you think you know. You will never know even if you are a psychiatrist by profession, unless you start listening to her with all the keenness in the world.
No human being is really ever that careful though. Like Rey, at one time she’s bound to make a blunder. And the blunders are especially more common during heated arguments. This is when the girl’s true nature start manifesting itself. She will tell you something that will leave you all staring at each another with wide eyes in sickening silence.
“Do you think I wanna be with a guy like you for the rest of my life?”
“Can’t you see how ugly you are! I’m doing you a big favor!”
And you will be like where in the world did that come from. You never imagined that someone you loved that much and thought she loved you back as well was just tolerating to be with you. Did she mean that she’s just here because she has no other options or else she would be long gone!
Of course after that, when everyone is back to their senses she will try different ways that she only knows better, to apologize. You can choose to forgive her like most guys which is beautiful. But word of advice, even if you forgive her, don’t go back to sleep. Instead start burning the midnight oil for an exit strategy. Very soon you will need it brother.
Or if you that kind of dude — you know who I’m talking about — leave immediately and run as fast and as far away as humanly possible.
Nandaulira, aliulirira magombe ( the one who doesn’t listen, will listen from hell). A Luhya proverb. Grew up being reminded by mama each time she felt like I wasn’t listening.